Bullies Club: No More

Consider this to be a follow-up to my previous post, “High School Memoirs: Teachers”, For  I, Ethan Stranger, will be discussing another topic that I’m sure we (including Asperger’s) can relate too and that’s Bullies, for they come in various forms, either students, neighbors, teachers, co-workers or even siblings. I know that many of you have suffered being bullied before, maybe it happened in school, at home or elsewhere, I’m no stranger to this as I’ve also been a victim of bullyism, especially since I’m a person with Asperger's we’ve been considered easy targets for bullyism, especially during Middle School and High School due to the fact that we are still learning about social cues, ways to communicate effectively and learning how to understand and manage our emotions. For those with Asperger’s who’ve been victims of bullyism, allow me to share with you my top 4 bully experiences that I’ve dealt with in the past and 1 opportunity for bully-redemption that I happily encountered.

To start, when I was just beginning school, I was somewhat nervous, a weirdo to the other kids eyes, several of them were smarter, tougher and had more interests while I was somewhat lacking behind. However during this time, I was a big fan of SpongeBob (clearly the old episodes), I used to cite the series and it’s characters any chance I could (SpongeBob played an important part of my childhood). Slowly, but surely, I began coming out as a “class clown” and that (unexpected) made several bullies I had at the time into friends. With this, I found out that comedy could be a great ally when creating new relationships with others. I don’t know why I was rejected at first, perhaps they misunderstood me but later understood the way that I am - back then, even I and my parents were unaware that I had Asperger's.

   

My 2nd bully experience happened when I was 12 in Boy Scouts. Remember that one scene in “Zootopia” where it flash-backed to Nick Wilde’s Childhood, well let’s just say something like that happened to me, several of the older scouts shoved me into a closet, tied me up and shoved a dirty sponge into my mouth. However this sad story turned, very quickly into a happy one as luckily several of my friends (who were real friends of mine) freed me. The biggest downside of this situation is that when I then tried to tell the Scout Master of what had happened, he didn’t listen nor care, so I ended leaving Boy Scouts...for good.

 

A year later (during my 7th grade), I had another run-in with a new bully. While in gym class as an 8th grader - who was well-known for having anger issues - started calling me a nerd and mocking me and my peers. However this situation changed almost 11 months later, towards the end of my 7th grade, I don't really know why, but he somewhat became nicer, I guess he was able to grow as a person. My latest encounter with him happened after High School, I met him at a restaurant, where he finally admitted that he was a jerk and I decided to forgive him (because every single person deserves a second chance, maybe even a third and fourth). Also, I’ve come to realize that harboring grudges or hate benefits no one at all, it just makes you feel bad over and over, sometimes we just need to let go. 

My final experience with bullyism that I’ve encountered happened during my freshman year of High School band, where I dealt with the Band Director’s son (who was a senior). He always made fun of my voice (making me feel quite angry and very sad), heck, even the band director himself was somewhat of a bully (during my senior year). I remember that whenever I played my trumpet during class, I had a bad habit of moving my chin while playing the trumpet & he'd call me out in front of the whole class (which in my defense, it was embarrassing and wished he would have discussed this after class in his office). As for his son, who graduated at the time, I never got an apology out of him, unfortunately he committed suicide. After a lot of thinking, I thought to myself that this guy must’ve really been suffering for a long time and that his way (not to excuse or justify his actions) to cope with this was to try to make others feel bad.

Bullies may come and go, but they’re never permanently gone, for we all (including Asperger's) will encounter different bullies in life and they come in various forms, while the best thing to do is simply ignore the bully or tell an adult (if you’re a child or teen), but that’s the old fashioned way. Nowadays, you must stand up and you gotta fight back (not in a violent way), cause if you do, then the bully will definitely leave you alone for good (and if an adult sees you as the bully, well, screw them, cause deep down, you are doing what you believe is right). Remember, Bullies will often try to make you unleash your full anger and lose control, which is “fun” for them and makes them want to repeat the situation again and again. So if you want to stop a bully, you can always deny them the satisfaction of seeing you lose control and get mad, they’ll get bored quickly and move on.

If we work together, we can finally rid the world of bullies, but until that happens, Ethan Stranger must sign off, but remember, be honest, aware and don’t be afraid to help those who are getting bullied, stand up for what you believe is right.