When Friends Grow Apart

I, Ethan Stranger, was going through some old stuff I wanted to give away and came up with this little jewel of the past! It brought back many memories from a time in my life in which I was very different and understood things in a manner that was different from others. Let’s just say that, at that particular moment my idea of friendship was very limited. I thought that once you made friends, they would stay that way forever. However, as time went by I started to understand that things can change (this is something that I sometimes still struggle with) and that sometimes friends can grow apart from each other just by the inertia of their own lives. 

Serving as a continuation from my previous blog posts, “High School Memoirs: Teachers, Bullies Club: No More & High School Crushes: Preparing for Love”, I, Ethan Stranger, will be telling the tale of how I (once) became good friends with this Girl & how we managed to stay friends… until destiny came knocking at her door unexpectedly and unraveled our friendship. 

When she wrote me this letter (Picture, Above), I remember a part of me started feeling hopeful for maybe a romantic relationship could bloom from it (now I know I misread the situation and her intentions, which were only centered in friendship). However by late 2019, she got engaged and then by early-mid 2020, she invited me to join her for her wedding.  Unfortunately, at the time, I couldn't help but feel angry and betrayed by her (remember that I thought that maybe she wanted something more than a friendship with me) and I was stuck in Lima following the pandemic, so I really had no way to go. Looking back, I didn’t understand many things about this situation of the past, neither her own feelings or goals towards life or what her real relationship with me was all about (just pure friendship). It’s very curious to see how the way that we can interpret a situation changes the way we react (and feel at any point in time). It’s also amazing to revisit the past and be able to see how much we’ve grown when shedding new light to old situations - leaving all of the nasty feelings out of the picture.

Our Friendship started all the way back during my  freshman year of High School, we met in Band (she was a senior), and believe it or not… she 1st started off as a bully to me. At the time, she was dating this tuba-playing freshman, however, slowly but surely, she began warming up to me when she became apart of this “Little Lunch Buddies session” - it was formed by these consulators (whom I was seeing regularly at the time) to have these special lunch gatherings in attempt to unite kids with special needs. I never knew why she really joined, but whatever the reason, she seemed to quickly warm up to me (even if she found my humor a bit “Odd/Joker-Style''). Our friendship grew (even when she had already graduated), we still kept in touch through text, we would hang out whenever she was available, plus she kept coming back to the High School, to visit her younger sister in the band and me. Also around my Senior year, both she & her boyfriend (who was also a Senior) had broken up after 4 years (I find that relationship kinda shocking due to the fact that her ex is 3 years younger than her). Around that time, her best friend (the band directors son, Whom I Mentioned in my “Bullies Club: No More Post”) had tragically committed suicide, however while I attempted to symphatize for her over the lost of her friend, at the same time, I had mixed feeling over caring for somebody who had enjoyed bullying me (Now I know how “The Captain (Steve Rogers)” felt).

Towards the end of my High School years, she & I would still keep in touch (though at that time, she had found herself a new Boyfriend), but he & I became good friends. While I was away for 2 years in Nepal, I still kept her updated on my travels (either through Messenger or Email), even during my R&R’s, we would meet up. I would even give her little souvenirs from my travels. By Summer 2017, I had learned that she had broken up with her boyfriend, but she didn’t mind, she felt like he just wasn’t right for him. Following my return from my 2 year stay in Nepal, we would continue to hang out, while she was busy with various odd jobs, however it was somewhat difficult as her parents moved more upstate, I believe. But we still attempted to make time for each other (even there were times where she was forced to cancel due to a “Family Emergency”). In the summer of 2019, We were supposed to meet up right up before I departed for Lima, however she had to cancel it, which crushed me deeply, cause she texted “I’m so sorry Ethan But I need to cancel. Something came up and I really need to be with my family. I’m sorry. Next time”. As an Asperger Person, don’t you just hate it whenever things change at the last minute? I remember that at that point in time I wasn't able to understand what happened on her side, I thought that maybe she lied, but in truth, it’s most likely she had some sort of problem with her family that needed urgent attention & I failed to understand that. 

 

Sadly, our friendship came to a bitter end by Early 2020 (while I was still in Lima), I was about to tell her about my time in Piura & I just downloaded the Marvel Unlimited app on my iPhone for Xmas. But the news she was about to give me was even bigger and (in a way) more hurtful (at least for me)... she told me that she got engaged… and in that moment, I was shocked & heartbroken for two different reasons. For 7 years she was a great friend and companion and at that point in time, I felt I was losing that, I felt that our friendship would change, and I wasn't ready for it.

One of the reasons why it was so difficult to let go was because she was always a great emotional support for me. One of these occasions happened when I was struggling when I came back from Nepal, I was really broken down to the point where I was a man out of time & attempting to find my place back in my raised hometown, while outside of family, I didn’t know who else to turn to, so I thought by turning to her, she attempted to help me find my place in a world where I felt out of place.

Following this, she & I barely spoke (I would be lying if I said I didn't feel angry and betrayed at the news, even though I shouldn't've) & it wasn’t until after my departure from Lima that could finally understand what happened. As a person with Asperger’s I learned that I must understand that friends sometimes need to be let go, so they can start building a life for themselves & that we must learn to make new friends in life if we’re to grow as an adult, otherwise we will be stuck reliving the past forever. That's life, we meet people then we meet new people, it’s how we grow as a human being.

 

I did find this quote from BoJack Horseman (Picture, Below) that sums up what happened; In life we (unlikely) encounter people that we feel like will be our “Shining Star” to the path of success, however, we need to make our success on our own. 

I must understand (in a hard fashioned way) that some friendships can  end in sadness for our friends have lives of their own & if we want to continue to move forward, we must  learn that balance is key. However, there are so many things we can do to satisfy our social needs! We can reconnect to old friends and acquaintances, we can meet new people over the internet or day to day activities, etc. 

Ethan Stranger (sighs) signs off & to my Friend (if she ever reads this), I know that you are married & all that...but I just wished that in “God’s Plan”, we had more time to chill out as Friends (of Course). I know we have different backgrounds & we shared a lot of ups & downs within our lives & I did appreciate you always being by my side whenever I was alone or bullied. I’m sorry I didn’t understand your situation better. As an Asperger Person, I am still moving on & attempting to find my own happily ever after while struggling in everyday life. Thanks for all the good times we’d shared over the past 7 years, but I feel like God is making us find our own happiness, though I’m not sure if in his plan, there are rumors of a...possible (Brief) friendly reunion? Farewell K! Just remember “The Greatest Gift in Life’s a Friend...pays a daily dividend”.