Bullies Club II: The Grouchy, The Bad & the Unforgiven

A continuation from my “Bullies Club: No More Post”, today I, Ethan Stranger, would like to explore more about my past experiences with Bullying because for any person (not just someone on the spectrum), Bullies come and go in various forms & they will often try to make you lose control for fun, power or whatever other reason they might have. However, I’ve learned from the past, that not always everyone that might annoy you might be a bully in itself, sometimes it's got to do with our own perception of a situation or person. So allow me to explain more about my past experiences with bullies & discuss new ways about how to deal/end bullying. Full disclosure though, every single (but one) of these bully tales happened long before I even knew I had a specific diagnosis (which is pretty sad) because I feel that I could've done more with these situations if I had more strategies at those moments…

Over the years, Bullying has been studied on many different levels, you see this graph (picture, below). Right now we know that there are 4 types of Bullying; in my case, I’ve mainly gone through Physical, Verbal & (on rare occasions) social. I feel like this was caused, in part, due to my spectrum condition, not being understood by others, and the way that I felt and acted around other people. Also, I remember, my levels of self-control were particularly low, so I could easily let my temper loose, much to the bullies satisfaction. Looking back at all of this, perhaps, this is why I was an easy target for bullies. 

To begin with, I remember back in my 4th Grade Year of Elementary School, my Mom made me join the choir, I really didn’t want to do it cause I felt like it wasn't my deal, plus I was also somewhat bullied by these two kids (whom happened to live down in a Cul-De-Sac up within my neighborhood). As you might imagine, I didn’t want to tell my parents (cause I didn’t want to start a commotion within the choir group), as well as getting picked on/pointed out/made fun of with names by the two - for they would think of me as being a baby for always relying on my parents to defend me. These two would bully me some more (despite living in the same neighborhood), we shared the same friend at the time. 

Looking back, I’ll never forget when I was in this “Mini-After School Run (my Elementary school had created a small running loop)” that one of the 2 bullies had joined this after-school event, where he (as I recalled) ran up out nowhere slapped me from behind & ran off calling me names, but not before I caught up to him, crying & grabbing him for wanting payback, eventually I told the teacher what had happened & made the bully apologize (which reluctantly accepted). Looking back, even though it's very easy to judge others by their actions (or we are being judged ourselves), who knows what was going on in their lives? Maybe they weren't having such a good time and took it out on me.

 

Bullies have been known to take the form of any age!  However, sometimes it's difficult to tell apart different types of people. For example, I’ll never forget of what a grouch my Middle School Principal was (for many described him to be a man who shows no mercy) & even had I learned of my Spectrum condition back then, would he care?, probably not because he was a grouch & (in fact) no student liked him. For a long time I thought he was a bully, but looking back, it seems he was just a sad, frustrated old man. I’ve always wondered, what does someone need to go through to become that way, what went wrong?

Another bully adult I misinterpreted from my middle school years was a math teacher, while I didn’t have him for a teacher, I remember myself (and others) who dared run past his classroom in the hallway, with a strict voice would halt those you ran & made them go back & walk (but yeah he was a grouch). Again, I really saw him as a bully at the time, now I wonder, was he really? Pretty sure he’s fired because who in the world would wanna learn from such a grouch?

Bullies have been also known to take the form of so-called “Future Friends” (I mentioned something like this in my Bullies Club: No More post), where (throughout my life) I was bullied by people who would (unexpectedly) later better understand me & wanna be my friend (or just make peace), this is mainly because bullies often have daily struggles with mental illnesses/addiction & substance abuse… and that’s what happened to my “Frenemy, Quincy (whom I briefly mentioned in my Driving Aspergers Post)”, we met back in 6th Grade Wrestling club (where he used to defeat me in many wrestling sessions before I would eventually defeat him in a wrestling match (Pictures Left & Right). We both were in Middle School band & played Trumpet (one Memorable moment I remember with him was My Mom picked me up from school on a rainy day while driving, we spotted Quincy (literally) walking in the rain, so (out of an act of kindness), we decided to give him a lift home). Despite this, I felt like I was forcing myself in trying to be friends with this guy (we had like an on/off friendship, that’s why I describe our friendship more like as “Frenemies” status, for there were times we on good terms while other times, he just wanted to hang out with the cooler kids, however following his passing I felt mixed feelings over this, for he was a good friend at times...

High School is a perfect environment for bullies. I remember having another grouchy interaction with “Coach Q” (whom I mentioned in my “Let the Music Play Post”), one of the football coaches that was also my English teacher during freshman year (until I was transferred to another class before summer break began). I feel that he really disliked me & I really didn't like him either. Our first negative interaction happened over a Book (A day no pigs would die) that he thought I lost but really I returned it, after that tense moment, we never got along.

 Sophomore Year, I faced off against my “Vocational Teacher (Ms. Gio)”, who (despite being Elderly), she was strict & (at one point) actually made me cry (for not filling out my planner, burping in class or something else), in fact, several of my friends (that were in the same class as me or had her for a teacher) had told me about their experiences with her, how they said that she (at one point) actually made them cry, but eventually retired.

Junior Year I faced off against my construction teacher (Dr. J was his nickname) & he used to mock my voice in front of the whole class, that I was forced to laugh along (but deep down I was mad & just wanted to punch him in his perfect white teeth). Not only that, he even allowed his students to smoke those electronic cigarettes & I remember one-time (while he was away), the substitute teacher he left in charge, played the film, “This is the End (which wasn’t that bad)”, in fact, I heard from a separate class that he put on “The Wolf of Wall Street”.  The reason why I didn’t want to tell another adult (including the principal) was my fear is worrying that even if I do tell on someone, the teacher will find some way to cover it up or I fear that nobody would believe an Asperger Person (Fun Fact, Quincy was in the same construction class as me). 

As I mentioned substitutes, within my English Class, we would have this one grouchy elderly substitute teacher (named Ms. White & she’s ain’t related to Soul Singer, Barry White). While I wouldn’t say she was a bully, she’s just more like one of those “Strict-Rule Book type of people” that you wish never got hired in the 1st place (she was just following whatever the teacher had written for her to teach the class, but not in a good way). 

Finally, while I had some bully encounters with students around my age during High School (however, I could or could not call it bullying, it was more like “I don’t like you & you don’t like me” - kinda feelings), plus let’s just say (during High School). I did make some friends but ended up losing touch with those who graduated before me. Not sure why, maybe I annoyed them with texts or calls or they just became too busy to answer me anymore (so yeah, I wouldn't call that bullying). 

The reason why I didn’t want to mention these stories in my previous post (Bullies Club: No More) is not because I ran out of room, it’s mainly because looking back, I wish my parents & I knew more about both my Asperger's & ADHD conditions, so that way I could’ve gotten proper help at a young age (in my current state, finding proper help is a challenge, but I feel that I’m slowly growing and trying to reach my real-life goals). Plus another reason is I wish I could’ve better learned to handle these bullies, like actually standing up for myself (even recording them of their bad behavior in an attempt to bring them to justice, but I guess that is not the way to do it, is it?). 

After finishing this post I can't help but ask myself: What do Deadpool, US Agent, Aurra Sing & (especially) would Kamala Harris do against the fight of bullying & ending it for good?

While I would’ve (perhaps) ripped a page from “Chicken Run (where the Chickens overpowered Mr. Tweedy)”  for when in numbers, you can always overpower your bullies, but if you can’t...do the old fashion way, either defend yourself, report this to someone you trust or (on rare occasions) the bully would forgive himself for his sins on his own terms (who knows how long it’ll take before you get an apology, even when you’re no longer in school with him or her). And always try to avoid violence, there is always a way to solve problems without using an aggressive response.

 

So until we rid the world of bullies (for good, in our own fashion), Ethan Stranger wants to remind all victims of bullying that there ain’t no stopping you from achieving greatness (don’t you let nothing stand in your way), not even a bully (no matter how tough or mean they are), who show them bullies who’s the boss (with music & Fists of Fury):